How to make the most out of Valentine's Day and improve your loving relationship

In today’s article we — you and me — will explore if Valentine’s day is merely a commercial day or does it bring some benefits for relationships? And how can we, together with our romantic partners, can take more advantage of celebratory dates like Valentine’s day?

Eva & Charlie, on their romantic picnic in Sintra where Charlie proposed to Eva — and she said yes!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 13 years now and I don’t even remember when was the last time we celebrated Valentine’s day specifically. It started to feel too commercial and yet another obligation. It was just like Christmas: a celebratory date that only stresses people out because we all feel this obligation to purchase something completely useless to someone special simply justified by “that’s what one is supposed to do”.

Instead of Valentine’s day, we decided to not spend any more money on stuff but on experiences instead and we have commited to have a romantic date every month, keeping the benefits of Valentine’s day alive throughout the whole year and not only when capitalism says so.

Now, although I believe the effort one puts into their relationship in Valentine’s day should be spread throughout the entire year and not only on specific celebratory dates, I do think that Valentine’s day offer couples some good benefits.

Deepens your connection

For once: it can help deepening connection as it reminds us to be more intentional and present

In long-term relationships, it’s easy to take each other for granted. Dedicating time to celebrate helps us, couples, reaffirm our bond and create new shared memories which, ultimatelly, will translate into a deeper connection with our partner.

Strengthen your love rituals

Besides, it can also strengthened rituals of love, small gestures that we can do that will show our partner we really appreciate them. It does not need to be something big. Just little heartfelt notes, planning a little surprise or booking a table for two at their favorite restaurant are great options that are not too complicated for one to commit to but that can have a major — positive — impact in the relationship.

You see, rituals help relationships thrive. More than big gestures focus in the intention behind them. Small acts reinforce emotional intimacy.

See you later, boredom!

Valentine’s day is also a good propulsor to break routine which is specially important if you’ve been together for quite some time and caught up into a repetitive and busy routine. It’s too easy to turn on our auto-pilot and live the same day over and over again. Celebratory dates are actually quite good at pushing us to get out of the routine and do things a bit differently for once — which will bring an extra dose of novelty, romance and fun to any person and relationship.

Improves communication and affection

Lastly, but not least, such celebratory dates can benefit communication and affection which will have a huge impact in your emotional security as a couple as well as reinforce your commitment to each other.

I am a true believer that communication is the foundation for any good, solid and safe relationship — not only romantic ones but every kind of relationship, really — but it can get complicated to communicate clearly and often enough, not only because life gets too busy but also because there comes a time where we might think our partner already know all of us and, therefore, we don’ need to communicate our thoughts and feelings because they’ll “just know”. And this is simply not true. As humans, we keep evolving. Our interests changes, our knowledge change too, and all of that slowly start to morph into some new part of us that, if we do not communicate, our partner will never know — unless you date a mind reader!

How to get more out of celebratory dates?

Here’s 4 easy ways to take advantage of celebratory dates to actually improve and deepen your relationship:

Make it yours

Instead of defaulting to commercial — and boring — expectations (roses and chocolates), tailor the experience to what truly resonates with your partner — whether that’s an adventurous trip, a handwritten letter, or a cozy movie night. There is no right and wrong here, intention is the key!

Be present, not perfect

As I’ve mentioned previously, it is not about grand gestures or spending a fortune but about being fully present. Put your phones away — trust me, the wold won’t end if you turn them off for a couple of hours —, engage in deep conversations, make the moment meaningful with your undivided attention and time. In a world that spins faster than our thoughts, full of distractions and “emergencies” that are not urgent at all, presence and time truly is the best gift you can give to those whom you love the most.

Extend the Celebration Beyond One Day

I’ve gotta be honest here: this is my personal favourite and something my partner and I do that has completely transformed our relationship.

Consider turning it into a week or a month of small gestures — like a romantic date every month, small love notes, little surprises, or acts of service. This will make the appreciation last longer and not only a single day.

Reflect on Your Relationship

Reflection is hard, especially when it comes to reflect on ourselves and our relationships. After all, there are always things we can improve and once we reflect on that and say it out loud, there’s no turning back. As soon as we talk about our dreams, goals and what improvements to make, we can’t say we were not aware of the those things anymore, we will have to face it and make whatever needs to happen, happen — be it pleasant or not. That’s called accountability.

Using celebratory dates to talk about what you cherish in each other, what dreams you want to build together and what things might need a little bit more work can help you moving forward as a stronger couple with a shared vision and the same amount of effort and dedication to your relationship.

Even if you don’t like Valentine’s day or any other celebratory dates, it can benefit you and your relationship to take a moment to be present and intentional, to cherish your partner and all that you’ve accomplished already. In the end, all of that have the power to enhance intimacy and reinforce the joy of being together.

Happy Valentine’s day, lovers!

Patricia